Freaking Out

Someone tried to break into my apartment about an hour ago, while I was awake and the lights were all on. What kind of psycho tries to break into an apartment where someone is clearly home and awake!!?? What if that's the kind of psycho who comes back? The policeman who came to inspect things said I was "relatively" safe, but it's kind of hard to imagine going to sleep. My windows are at ground level; this neighborhood is not great; I'm totally alone and my sense of being invisible and anonymous, which always makes me feel safe, is obviously not accurate tonight. Shit. I'm trying not to be melodramatic, but I'm kind of freaked. The lights make it a fishbowl in here, but I don't want to turn them off. Why do these things always happen when no one is awake to call?

Okay, rationality says, freaking out accomplishes nothing. Going about as usual + panic is not any more useful than going about as usual without panic. Except . . . if I hadn't been awake and heard him and yelled at him, the burglar would have come in. He would have taken my stuff, but he probably wouldn't have hurt me. But still. It doesn't make me want to go to sleep. It would be so easy for someone to break the window right over my bed. It's at knee level--you could look through the blinds and see me lying there, and then you could just kick it in.

I'm freaking myself out. I will be very tired for the first day of my new pilates class.