Spring fever

Hi again. Anyone who might still be reading this, I'm sorry about disappearing. I think I'm back now. It's felt like a long, disorienting hibernation.

All last week and this weekend I was sick. I barely left the house except to teach and go to Petco for cat toys, read two mystery novels, ate popsicles, and tried to be patient and rest and trust that I was building up strength to use when I became human again. I think it worked.

So while I was sick, I did not take stock or reflect on anything. But now I have a few things to say, including . . . I passed my exams. I think I could have answered the questions with interpretive dances and still passed, but still being done feels more momentous than I expected. Everything feels new and different, like anything could happen, like I've slipped an anchor. It's both freeing and alarming. If I don't paddle, I'm just going to drift, but if I do paddle, I might get somewhere.

Today the weather, which had been rainy and snowy, finally turned balmily springlike, and I thought about how I used to have spring fever when I was in high school, how I would get these feelings of longing and excitement and melancholy and would daydream about the future and of course, those daydreams never included still having the same feeling half a lifetime later. It's funny how you think it's you, when it's just a condition of the season.